You want to know what its like to be fucking autistic?

Well you don’t. You couldn’t fucking take it. Your not fucking strong enough to hear from everyone you turn to for help:

“…what is for others, is not for you…”

It doesn’t matter if you are trying to report Social Services for abuse, go to the Council for Safeguarding, or even report it to the fucking police.

It doesn’t matter what polices there are in place, it doesn’t matter what these policies state, when one tries to get the help that they are there to offer, the answer is always the same:

“…what is for others, is not for you…”

Even though a police officer was internally found guilty of assaulting me, even though he was disciplined – but I wasn’t allowed to prosecute – I’ve even supplied around 1000 pages of all the stuff that Kingston Police have done to me, I’ve just had the call I’ve been waiting weeks for from a leading Law Firm. They agree that I am due compensation, then once again something gets in the way, and I get told:

“…what is for others, is not for you…”

I’ve tried to file alleged claims of abuse against the CEO of Hampshire Council and the Head of Adult Services, as well as my Social Worker, guess what I got told, well, nothing in this case as no one listens to me.

I’ve even had interaction with two autism advocacy services, and not heard anything back from them once they have told me they will look into my issues.

I’ve even gone to the Police Commission Office, which Winchester seems to have, handed in my 400 pages of information that I have broken myself collating, only to be told 10 days later, still not had a chance to have a look at it.

 

This is what its like to be fucking autistic – IGNORED

Whatever you say, to whomever you say it – it doesn’t fucking matter. There is always some fucking excuse which translates to:

“…what is for others, is not for you…”

 

So if you want to know what its fucking like to be autistic, try this. For one day spend it asking everything you would say out loud, inside your head – to yourself. Then wonder why no one is doing anything.

Then try screaming it, but inside your head. You can hand them documents you have found, supporting what you are after, BUT you are not allowed to say anything out loud.

Then, when you are back home, if you are lucky enough to have one, try and figure out why no one did anything you asked. Your not allowed to say its because you didn’t say it out loud, you must pretend that you did.

Then let the frustration build. And build. And build. Treat it like an equation, where you know that 2 +2 =4. It has done your whole life. However, today, everyone told you, that for you – and only you – 2+2 =5.

Your not given a reason why, its not explained why logic is different for you. If you dare to raise up a questions, the answer will be a barrage of words that sound like your language, however you have no idea what they mean.

Somehow you have to climb into bed, at some point normally when its dawns light entering the gaps in the curtains, and try to sleep. Knowing that when you wake up, the same fucking thing is going to fucking happen.

Whatever the fuck it is you ask, can show your allowed, get down on your fucking knees and beg for, it won’t matter. Cos the answer will always be the fucking same:

“…what is for others, is not for you…”

Welcome, to being autistic.

This entry was posted in Uncontrolled. Bookmark the permalink.